9-things_1In the changing times and shifting roles and responsibilities, it can get overwhelming for women who find themselves in the midst of this change and turmoil. It is easy to feel lost and confused, struggling to find an identity, letting go of the past roles and creating new ideals.

I believe it is not what you do but who you are that matters. The way you think and feel about yourself and things associated to you makes all the difference. You could be doing what you have been doing – being a homemaker, a wife, mother, daughter or having a job in the external world – what really will make a difference is how you feel about yourself.

Here are 9 things that you need to know to survive and grow in this world.

  1. You Matter – You Are Enough

You don’t have to be someone or somebody to be important. The mere fact that you are on earth is enough. Every life is important. If your worth depends on you being someone or doing something, then it means you as a person don’t value yourself. Your worth and value will always be tied to something outside of you. As long as that’s true, you cannot find peace and satisfaction within yourself. When you begin to value yourself, what you do will have more value and be meaningful. It is not the other way round. The way you treat yourself, you tell the world how to treat you. When you respect yourself, you tell the world to treat you with respect.

  1. You Are Perfect The Way You Are

Humans want to be unique and perfect. But perfection means setting a standard and sticking to it. But if you stick to a standard, you become like everyone. Where’s the uniqueness, the originality. The whole beauty industry survives by telling you that you are not perfect. If one day, you embraced your beauty and perfection, half of the world industry will go out of business. A very devastating statement for a child can be –“Its good but you can be perfect”. It inherently implies that you have to reach a point where you will be deemed perfect. It’s only pushing away your happiness into the future. You are perfect the way you are. There are no standards. You are your own standard.

  1. A Relationship Does Not Define You

Who are you if strip your labels of designation, qualification and relationships? How do you define yourself if you are not a daughter, wife, mother, girlfriend or sister? It is important to know the real you, your likes and dislikes, who you really are. Spend some time alone everyday with yourself to know the amazing being that you are.

  1. Having No Relationship Or Marriage Does Not Mean You Failed

No matter what anyone says, being single does not mean you failed or are to be sympathized with. Having a relationship is not the goal of life. It is better to be single than adjust and compromise with someone. You are enough within yourself. Learn to enjoy your company. Once you are capable of doing that, know that you are ready for a relationship.

  1. You Don’t Need Anyone To Be Happy

Your happiness is your responsibility. It comes from within you. Others around you can only invoke happiness inside you, but it is an internal factor. If your happiness depends on others, then you are slave to people. Anything that they say or do will affect you. This way, you can’t help anyone – neither yourself nor others. Spend some time with yourself and find out more about the happiness inside and how can you touch it without external stimulus. Practice happiness. It pays good dividends.

  1. Its Ok To Find Time For Yourself

You don’t have to feel guilty about taking time out for yourself. Remember, you can never pour from an empty cup. If someone around you reacts to you taking time off for yourself, know that they are not thinking for you but only for themselves. You have complete freedom and access to your time.

  1. Its Ok To Say No

It is absolutely ok to say “No”. You are free to say no to the demands on your time, your attention, your stuff, your money, your body. If your near ones cannot understand it, you need to start assessing if they really respect you and your time and possessions or not. Never feel guilty about it either.

  1. No One Owns You. You Are No One’s Property. Stop Seeking Permission And Approval

You are a free individual responsible for yourself. No one owns you, you are no ones property. Your time is yours to use. It is your choice where you want to spend it and your responsibility. Your freedom is yours to take. If you constantly find yourself seeking permission and validation, look into the dynamics of that relationship. Is that what you really want?

  1. Don’t Be Needy Or Clingy Just Because You Cant Be Alone. It Sets You Up For Disappointment, Hurt, Betrayal And Abuse.

One of the biggest causes of failed marriages and painful relationships is the inability to be alone. Fear of being alone and being abandoned is one of the most core issues within most individuals. It doesn’t allow you to move out of painful situations and choose better. It causes you to stay stuck where you are. Heal yourself, and these issues. Inner child work is very powerful in healing these core fears. Seek therapy and help if you find yourself stuck and sabotaging your own happiness. You deserve to be happy.

-Meetu Sehgal